I'm writing this before I go to sleep. It was a long day (but good) and I'm exhausted, but I want to post something so I'll try to sum up my mood as best as I can.
I am very excited about poker right now. I haven't felt this desire to play or butterflies in my stomach thinking about poker in quite some time.
After BF, I've been haunted by the idea that the government can shut down any site I was on and I would be out X more dollars than I already am on FT (~$1100), and that has lead me to play a fearful game. I was fearing all different aspects of poker. Fear of losing: What if I lose this money? What could I have bought with it instead? Fear of looking bad: Other players won't respect me/won't think I'm good. Etc Etc. Then on the flip side, fear of winning: Am I going to be able to cash out this money if I win? Will it take long? Will I ever receive it? Those thoughts have often led me to the point of my mentality being "you probably won't cash it out, so just play to play, not to win". That has to change.
Tonight I was talking to my friend Jackstack99 about some issues I've been having with HEM, and it turned into a brief Q&A about poker, and him letting me pick his brain on a few things. It was only a few minutes long, but as always, he gives me great information. He's been my poker mentor for probably two years now, if not more. I used to play live .25/.50 with him in my backyard, and now he's a top pro on Pokerstars playing in the $200+ Hyper HUSNGs. I honestly couldn't be happier for him, and hope he keep crushing these games hard! So after we spoke, I suddenly felt excited about the game again. Like really excited. I literally have no one to talk to poker about in my immediate circle of friends, so when the one person I talk to is a highly winning player, it adds some excitement to it. It's not just BS advice, or a random guy telling you his bad beat stories, I'm talking to someone who I know is a professional poker player. That makes it feel so real, and that it's not just a dream to chase- it can really happen.
